Today was the memorial for my deep, insightful, highly misunderstood friend Justin. I was sad going there... I suddenly got that weird feeling, like the one you get when you're about to jump out of a plane and you feel the wind and it makes your stomach twist. It hit me that he was gone. I still had so much to tell him, so much to ask him, so much left unsaid. I knew deep down, as I always did even if we hadn't spoken, that he already knew what I had learned and we both had the same answers we were seeking.
When I got there, and saw all of his beautiful art, photos of him and his amazing smile, and all the people he had chosen to teach and share his magic with, I couldn't help but feel a little inspired and happy for him. The boy knew he was going to go young, from our first conversation, to the last we talked about things that other people would find odd or worry about, but we both just somehow got about life, and the transfer out of it.
And wow did he live!! He lived more in his 27 years than most do with 80. He did everything he felt passionate about, from acting, painting, skating and music, to trying and show people a bigger picture, one painted with truth and light... One far too radical for most. His ideas were way ahead of our time, but created at the time we need them most. Ideas like being love, repenting for our normalcy, and the unity of things... How we can't believe everything people tell us and we need to live our truth and, "breed peace."
The truth is always hard to swallow when it involves admitting to your own lies. Most judged him, thought he had problems... Those who refused to see things as they were and instead as they ought to be. I know he didn't blame them for it, or judge them... Its hard to make sense of what is beyond logic, and he knew that. But he got it. He was it... He is it.
When I look at all he did, all he said and how he lived... LIVED what he loved, it makes me glad to be one of the lucky ones left to keep shining his light. It shows that it is possible to walk the walk, to do and not just say, to be and not just try... To love with no expectation.
So I left full of gratitude, that he did it his way, with intention, and awareness. That he left the world better than it was before, and that is exactly how he would want to leave it... Knowing that, I was able to muster up a smile and leave knowing that his energy is as alive as ever in all of the people he inspired in his life, who will continue to inspire because of him in their lives.
Today's Silver Lining:
"Smile when you're heart is aching, Smile even though its breaking, when there's a cloud in the sky you'll get by, if you smile through your pain and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow, you'll know that life is still worth while, if you just smile." Smile- by Michael Jackson