What's the Big Idea?

I was listening to a Deepak Chopra CD this morning and he was speaking about intention.  He says it doesn't matter what we say or do, but our intention in doing it.  I started thinking about how a lot of times this affects not only what we say and do, but also how we interpret what others say and do.  Many times when we listen to people, we are not able to hear what they are saying because we only hear what we want.  Of course there's a great quote for that:

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." ~Anais Nin

It seems like everyone has their two cents for any given situation, and often it can be something that has more to do with them than you... And just knowing that is half the battle.  When people do or say things it is good to think of their intention, rather than your interpretation of it... What is their big idea?

For example, let's take my mom.  The woman loves me eternally, and so I know that her intention in telling me something or giving me advice is always coming from a place of love.  So lets pretend she tells me, "Laura, you really need to start working out more." Now it would be easy for me to think many things depending on how fat I feel that day, or how lazy I am.  Some possible thoughts based on my own stuff could be, "She thinks I'm fat," or "Who is she to tell me to work out?!"  Now what happens when I do that, is rather than getting the big idea from her, I am instead making myself angry.  And even though I will say it's her that's making me angry, rest assured that it's me.  Now, if I take a look at the big idea, based on her intention... I would realize it's something more along the lines of, "Laura, I love you and I feel better when I work out, so I want to make sure you feel as good as you can and also ensure you're taking care of yourself so you can live a long, healthy, marvelous life!" 

We could also look at the classic, "Do these jeans make me look fat?" Why a person asks has everything to do with how your answer will affect them.  So first think, what is the big idea behind this question for them?  Are they buying a new pair of jeans and looking for a pair that flatter them?  Are they having a rough day and in need of a little positive affirmation?  Are they putting you to the test?  If you look at the intention first, you realize that the question itself will change accordingly.  "Should I buy these?" "Do you think I look pretty?" "Are you a liar?"

Now this is, as most things are, easier said than done... especially when we're going through a tough situation, feeling vulnerable and everyone seems to keep telling us the same things we already know, yet can't seem to apply at the moment.  This has been happening to me lately.  At first my thoughts were something like this, "No shit Sherlock! Do you think I'm stupid?! Ooooooh, You're so wise because you figured out the obvious.  Take a look in the mirror, I could tell you a few things about your own life that you don't seem to know... I gotta go, BYE!"  Then I took a step back and realized, ya know what... those thoughts are not based on the big idea this person is trying to tell me, they are based on how I feel.  While I am frustrated with the situation, this person seeks to offer me some help because they care.  So now, I just try to listen as they tell me all the things they think I don't already know... because I know that their big idea (most of the time), is to make me feel better.  When I remember this my thoughts become, "Thank you for caring about how I feel and offering me your time and energy to help me through this challenge."  Sometimes just this little step can help us to see those big ideas that actually make us feel better than any words ever could, and If you see their intention as something a little more fabulous than it actually is, that's okay too... And that's my two cents ;)

Today's Silver Lining

"What's the big idea? Yo Mika! I said sucking too hard on your lollipop, Oh loves gonna get you down
I said sucking too hard on your lollipop, Oh, loves gonna get you down. I went walking with my momma one day, When she warned me what people say, Live your life until love is found, 'Cause loves gonna get you down. Take a look at the girl next door, She's a player and a downright bore
Jesus loves her but she wants more, Oh, bad girls get you down." Lollipop- by Mika