Since I've been traveling it's baffling to me how many people have randomly messaged me: "I wish I were there right now!" or "I envy you for living the dream." The baffling part to them may be how many times I've thought the same thing about where they are, while sitting in paradise scrolling through my social media feeds. I would like to share a dirty little secret that is perhaps also blindingly obvious... The grass is always greener when you look at the best patch of it filtered and cropped on Instagram.
I was talking to a friend the other day when something came up about my trip and I mentioned to her that the grass is always greener. She instantly came back at me with a stubborn sureness that there was no possible way her grass could be greener than mine. "Of course your grass is greener!" She informed me in hysterical laughter, "There's no way the grass isn't greener there." I wasn't in the mood to argue with her, and technically, yes the grass probably was greener here, so I just let it go... but that couldn't have been further from the truth.
You see, I'd been traveling in between places both literally and figuratively. Literally, I was traveling alone, so everyday I had to plan my route, food, lodging, transportation etc. Those of you who have done this know how time consuming it can be, and due to my open schedule, it became a daily necessity. Because it was so expensive in New Zealand and Australia, I ended up moving around more than I would've liked. I kept relocating cars to get cheaper rates, so I was constantly on the go from place to place. Secondly, I had no clue what I wanted to do next. My original plan was to move to Australia and work there, but after being on the road and having time to think, I began to question if that was what my heart truly wanted. I didn't want to keep taking jobs because they were safe and I was afraid, I wanted to do something that I loved. So you see, ironically so many people that wanted to be where I was, were actually already there: in the field of confusion having an intense game of tug-o-war between their head and their heart. And for those of you who have been lucky enough to avoid this place, the grass is pretty much destroyed.
Don't get me wrong, I had chosen to take this trip and was enjoying countless adventures and blessings along the way. I was truly grateful to have this opportunity and aware of what an amazing experience this was. I share these things now not to complain, but rather to expose an honest truth about the reality of what I was often going through despite these things. And to just put it all out there and be completely blunt, the humbling fact is that I was often times in a pit of despair where I felt painfully lonely and like I would never figure things out. #nofilter
Luckily, between my amazing friends, family and the relentless little optimist that lives in my soul, I always managed to find my way out, but I'd be lying if I told you I hadn't become a regular there. Another one of my friends, who always had a way of making even an actually horrible situation truly feel like a festive affair, reminded me when I had arrived in Bali, "You don't need to think about planning what you're gonna do next, you've done enough of that. You have plenty of options, that is all you need to know right now." I could feel her energetically grabbing me up from my slump through the phone as she smiled and continued on in her authentic giddiness, "Come on, there are fabulous pools there, pull out your ponytail and go jump in!" And the woman had a point! I mean what was I doing sulking over things that I didn't need to worry about yet, when I currently had my freedom, the time to enjoy it, and a beautiful pool waiting for me?
Well I'll tell you what I was doing (past tense referring to 2 days ago). I was judging myself based on what everyone else was doing and letting things from my past consume my time. It only took a wifi connection and fifteen minutes to see: bedroom sets people are selling to make way for baby, engagement announcements reading "I was beginning to think it would never happen to me, but finally at 24... I'm engaged!", people who were starting new and amazing projects, not to mention the probing message sent to me from an exes new girlfriend, and a play by play in pictures of all the epic things they were up to. I would rate this travel activity negative 5 stars on Tripadvisor: avoid at all costs. Seeing everyone else who seemingly had it "figured out" while I didn't even know where I would sleep tomorrow made it tough not to wonder what the heck a 30 year old girl was even thinking taking this trip in the first place.
As so perfectly vented to me in divine timing, by the gal that I swear shares my brain: "I can't handle social media right now, I just really think that too much of it is not healthy for me. I keep looking at all these pictures feeling worse and worse! It's like keeping up with the Jones on crack! I mean how am I ever supposed to live up to that? We're bombarded with the best of everyone's lives from their angles, with their filters, and what they want us to see. Everyone's life looks so fucking wonderful and I can't even get out of bed in the morning." And might I add that if you saw this chick's life on Instagram you would envy her and have some serious FOMO. (Fear Of Missing Out... Another condition that social media has given birth to)
To make it clear, I have nothing against social media, that is how I've made a living the past 3 years. I myself post many "Hey look at me I'm on vacation pics" at the request of my parents, inspiring quotes (#sorrynotsorry) and I'm sure if I'm ever fortunate enough to have a family of my own someday, I will saturate my timelines with every moment of that journey. What I have found though, is that everyone else's highlights can easily become the scale against which we measure our very different circumstances. It makes it harder to respect and enjoy our own incredible journey, when we're constantly fact checking it against everyone else's. Especially because despite that our routes in life are all incredibly unique, so are the modes of transportation we use to travel them. Some of us are traveling by boat and others by plane or train or helicopter, Segway, roller skates, roller coaster etc. So, as you can gather, if you're on a boat headed through the pacific, wondering why that guy on the lawn mower in Texas has such green grass when you don't have any in sight... Well, perhaps you're on a cruise to paradise, and he's mowing his lawn on his day off. The moral of the story is, we won't always know exactly what to expect where we're going until we get there, but we can't expect it to look like where everyone else is... We can only trust our that our divine travel guide has it all booked and our internal gps will help keep us on track towards our destination as we enjoy the ride.
It is also helpful to realize how fantastic each of our journeys are in their own way, and that there are always gonna be some rough spots to get through! There is a Corona add that so brilliantly uses the slogan "From where you'd rather be." alongside some gorgeous photo of the beach. Well, as I sat on an even more gorgeous beach, looking at it thinking, "Seriously, I wanna be there!"... Something hit me. Often times, we wanna be far away from where we are to distance us from what we're feeling or going through. However, those things I can assure you exist in moments, not locations, so they will end up with you until they have made their point, no matter how beautiful the beach is. And those are the things that happen along the way to teach us to learn weather patterns and be aware of road conditions and and avoid drinking the water in certain places. They are important because they grant us the wisdom, compassion and appreciation for the rest of our journey, wherever it may take us.
And presently my journey consits of walking around by foot due to my fear of riding a scooter on the sketchy Bali roads, sitting in an adorable vegan cafe, laying on a cozy lounger drinking a green juice and writing this. And after finally realizing how much time I've squandered away planning, and dreaming and comparing my other options, when I could've been in paradise, Ive decided to spend any future free time looking at the grassy options on my own map. Because regardless of what hidden places I'll learn about as I go or adventures that may happen along the way, I will get where I'm going next via what I choose to do here. It's up to me to enjoy this journey with all it's quirks and tend to my own grass. Big Sean raps it best in a Justin Bieber song: "The grass aint't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it." And let's not forget, it also gets greener after some rain. Well, after having quite a bit of rain myself, and finally taking the time to notice how beautifully green and lush the grass here has become, I realize that there is nowhere else I would rather be spending my time... At least until the next boat arrives ;)
Silver Lining:
"Be here now, no other place to be, Or just sit there dreaming of how life would be, If we were somewhere better, Somewhere far away from all all worries, Well, here we are."- 'Be Here Now"~ Mason Jennings
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