Celebrating My Mistakes

We all make mistakes, it happens.  We can do thousands of things right, but at some point we all have to mess up... so why does it seem like such a huge failure when we do?

I was supposed to send something out for work, that honestly I didn't even know for sure if I was supposed to handle or not... so I had just kind of forgotten about it.  At the last minute it was brought up and I took responsibility for it, and it became this big deal. I tried to fix it and now it's a big mess and I'm the one to blame.  I hate feeling like I let people down.  In fact that's why I don't like to make decisions on where to eat, or what to do, because I don't want anyone to be disappointed, and I know I'll be happy with whatever.  Now I have that horrible feeling of letting people down... ick!

So, where's the silver lining?

Well, it's all around me.  I messed up, but the best thing I can do is own up to it, feel this icky feeling, and allow it to remind me that I never wanna feel that again, so to be more on top of things moving forward.  I can apologize, and move on.  Let go of the blame, and allow myself to be less than perfect, because it is through my mistakes and flaws that I'm being used perfectly for every situation I'm in, and growing into whatever I need to become next.  Through my mistakes I'm learning lessons that are making me better and better... woohoo!!

Ironically, I was looking for song lyrics and found this article, that actually quotes my boss, about celebrating your mistakes! 

http://positivesharing.com/2010/06/top-5-reasons-to-celebrate-mistakes-at-work/

After reading it, my huge mistake, feels like a huge gift... I mean, at least now everyone knows I mess up... hehe ;-))

As my mother always said, "You can't cry over spilled milk."  (okay, I cried a little bit, but I stopped, lol) So now, I'll just clean it up and grab some OJ... and maybe add a shot of vodka ;-))

Today's Silver Lining:
"I'm only human, Of flesh and blood I'm made, Human Born to make mistakes, I am just a man, Please forgive me, The tears I cry aren't tears of pain, They're only to hide my guilt and shame." Human- by Human League

Where I Am

I seem to wander a lot.  I embrace change, and to me home is... well, wherever my heart is. 
I've gotten pretty good at adjusting to wherever I end up, and I guess that will be put to the test as I embark on a three month journey on a bus... a bus delivering happiness... moving to a different location every couple days.  So with so much movement, so much change... how do I stay where I am?

I was reading through old journals in my storage unit today and I stumbled across a funny line,

“Every time I find the meaning of life, it changes.”

Funny how true that is.  It seems just when you think you've figured it out, you have that "AHA" moment of clarity... something happens, and it's all gone.  Those answers, those moments of clarity are just that... moments.  They come when the questions that you currently ask are explained, but inevitably there are always new ones!  After many attempts to find a meaning, I've realized that we give it meaning by what we do... so rather than looking for a final answer, I have instead been creating meaning in whatever I'm doing.  Who knows, maybe that's not the answer either... but the pursuit of growth and evolution is what's exciting.  Action is what makes me feel alive and inspired... it keeps me grateful.  And when I'm grateful, I'm able to be where I am... so no matter where I end up, it always feels like home. 

So, here I am, home sweet home!!

Today's Silver Lining:
"I'll wear my badge... a vinyl sticker with big block letters adherent to my chest, That tells your new friends I am a visitor here...I am not permanent, And the only thing keeping me dry is, Where I am, Where I am, Where I am."  The District Sleeps Alone Tonight- by The Postal Service

Makin Moves

Moving... never sounds fun... never easy, but it sure feels good to move on!  I moved everything out of my apartment in Vegas into a storage unit, and though it was 110 out, and there were 3 flights of stairs to trek down, the highlights were surprisingly positive!!

1.  It only took 4 carloads to move everything I own.... awesome!!!

2.  My storage unit plays lots of Billy Joel and Chicago... lotsa singing along!!!

3.  Threw my mattress down the stairs... realized I can do anything!!!

4.  Used the cart as a skate board to roll my mattress into the unit... fun!!!

5.  Looking inside my unit makes me happy... it's so pretty!!!

6.  Did all of it in a pink tutu... classic!!

So... things are always how you create them.  Moves can be quick, empowering, even fun, if you make them that way!! 
And as I sit here now, so grateful for everything and everyone in my life, I'm totally sure of one thing... I'm movin in the right direction!


Today's Silver Lining:
"And It seems such a waste of time, If that's what it's all about, Mama, If that's movin' up then I'm movin' out. Mmm, I'm movin' out. Ooh-hoo, uh-huh, mmmm, You should never argue with a crazy mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mind.  You oughta know by now."  Movin' Out- by Billy Joel

Everything I've Never Wanted

 "Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's need, but not every man's greed".~ Mahatma Gandhi

Oh so true... funny how I've been realizing this more and more.  It's a tough thing, this greed stuff.  I've seen many different sides of the coin, and I can understand all of them.  People always wanting more, better, first... fighting against others as if there's not enough... not enough what?  I-phone 4's? Cars? Boyfriends? Jobs?  Food? Time?  We may tell ourselves that, but there is more than enough of everything... (yes even I-Phones, lol!)  I see so many people stressed, (and have been through it many times myself), where they feel the need to keep something for them self  in order to have it... where they feel threatened by someone else who is similar to them, or who is talented at all.   I can think of many times where I've felt if anyone else takes my idea, or job, or cute boy, than I would have to go without... and that's no fun!!

The truth is, we're all on the same team people!  We're in this together, and there's plenty for everyone!!  If someone else takes something I had my eye on, than they're giving me an opening for something better for me. How many times have you wanted something so much one moment, only to find out it wasn't what you wanted in the next?  If you don't get what you thought you wanted, chances are, whoever does, is taking one for the team!! The more we work together to get things, the more we will have... and even realize, that we don't really need much after all!  There's plenty of air and water and food and all that jazz to go around... there's plenty of hugs and high fives and big smiles for everyone too... and the more you give, the more you get!!

I have finally realized how to have it all.  I now know that I can have anything I DON'T want!!  That's right... anything I DON'T WANT!!!  When I just let it go and trust that I can have anything... than I start to become open to all types of things that are so amazing... things I didn't even know I wanted until I got them... things way better than anything I could have asked for!  I skip the wanting, the competing, the anxiety over losing something that's not even mine... and go straight to the gratitude part!!  (which is the best and most fun part anyway!!)  It never gets any less amazing when I get each one of these super cool gifts from life either... in fact it keeps getting better!!  I have everything I've never wanted!!

So, you can have it all... what don't you want??  ;-))


Today's Silver Lining:
"Gotta make more money, Gotta get gotta get there faster than the rest, Knock 'em off the ladder, If they even seem to stand a chance, The big picture, Gotta big white cloud, the big picture, is starin' at me, Starin' at me, Why do I feel so threatened that somebody else will, Take what's mine, Babe it's only rented,  
No one really owns the merchandise. What about what I want, Somehow it got lost somewhere, Inside."  The Big Picture- by Tori Amos

Shoebox of Summers Past

As I open the lid to one of many boxes surrounding me, I see a smile from a summer long gone on an old Polaroid....  I find a pair of 70's sunglasses some random guys in Vegas gave me on my way to California.  I now have a fresh new smile on my face as I remember that time.
I have always filled my shoe boxes up with scraps of things that I never wanted to forget.  Funny the things I hold onto... the things that now represent my connection to something once so profound and real.
Cards, notes, photos, ticket stubs, dried flowers...
to anyone else they would seem like useless rubbish, but to me they are clues to how I got here.... Stripes on my heart that I may have forgotten how I earned until I once again browse through my collection of reminders. Pieces of paper that represent wounds long healed... scars that I now have grown fond of. Wisdom from my earlier days that seems advanced beyond it's years... doodles of dreams that now resemble a story being told in my reality...
memories of moments past that seamlessly transformed into what I am now.
I have everything I need from them, they have become all they ever will... yet I can't seem to say goodbye to many of these old parts.
Letting go has never been one of my strong suits... why start now.
I like my tattered notes and discolored photos stained from ink... I like all of my old love notes and failed housing applications... they may be things of the past, but they keep me aware of how I got here... and so, they're going with me into summers yet to come.




Today's Silver Lining:
"The places that we lived, the living that we did, the places we were put, the things we were giving, the things that they took, they took away our pride, and if they didn't, take our lives, they took away the things that made us feel alive, oooo what have we become, what have we become, oooo how did this become, how did this become."  Anni Kookoo- by Xavier Rudd
 
 

Love at First Flight

“Come to the edge.”

“We can't. We're afraid.”

“Come to the edge.”

“We can't. We will fall!”

“Come to the edge.”

And they came.

And he pushed them.

And they flew.

~Guillaume Apollinaire

Life is calling us.  Love beckons us to come.
It seems risky to walk towards it... closer to the edge, because we don't believe we can fly... until we do... then try to stop us... there's no way to fall out of that kind of love. 
I'm soaring higher than ever...until tomorrow.
See you among the stars.


Today's Silver Lining:
"I'm looking to the sky to save me, Looking for a sign of life, Looking for something to help me burn out bright, I'm looking for a complication, Looking cause I'm tired of trying, Make my way back home when I learn to fly...Fly along with me, I can't quite make it alone, Try and make this life my own."
Learn to Fly- by The Foo Fighters

Not Knowing, Just Going

Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

It's about that time again... time for change.  Time to let go, to let it be and wait and see.  No matter how many times I move on... no matter how many times things keep getting better... no matter how many times I say goodbye and hello... goodbye never gets any easier.  Life is a choice though, and I choose to keep going... never really knowing where, always happy when I get there.

People always ask me how I do it, why I do it... and I guess it's as easy for me as whatever everyone else does is for them.  It's just where I am, and where I'm going... and even without really knowing, I always feel the wind blowing me on my way, hear the signs calling me onward... and this time is no different.  As I was packing up my apt today, a Tom Petty song started playing...


Today's Silver Lining:
"Broken skyline, which way to love land, Which way to something better, Which way to forgiveness, Which way do I go.  It's time to move on, time to get going, What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing, But under my feet, bad grass is growing, It's time to move on, it's time to get going."  Time To Move On- by Tom Petty

(hard to find this song, this guy has some random stuff in his apt, but it works, lol!)