Fantasies of Fear

"Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it."  I was always told that as a child. My, oh my how it’s meaning has changed.  Although, so has the meaning of a wish.  As a child I thought wishes were all those magical things you wanted when you blew on a dandelion puff.  Now I realize we make all kinds of wishes we don't even realize.  I wish I didn't have to work today... fired!  Just kidding... kind of!  The thing is, we often neglect taking the time to be grateful for all the things that make us smile everyday and spend more time figuring out what to change, what sucks, and the worst... what could happen that would suck.

The funny thing is, at this moment in time life is good. I am financially stable, I feel good in my skin, I have amazing people in my life & an apartment that is slowly coming together... with the exception of my ghetto couch!  I am happy.  I like waking up in the morning.  I like staying up and just being with myself.  Things are all happening as I had been wanting for so long...  The funny thing is now I am afraid of this goodness.  Afraid, because I know how temporary it can be.  I'm afraid that any moment now, I won’t feel this way.  Afraid that for all of this goodness, I will also experience the crashing down of it… and the higher I soar, the further I’ll fall.  I start creating all of these horrible and frightening 'what if's' that end up being what I focus my energy on, and accidentally manifesting into my life.  Tonight, I became aware of this thinking pattern I have developed.  This fantasy of fear, if you will…. And I decided that with my newfound sense of reality, it is time to let go of my fantasy world. 

You see fantasy, for most of us, isn’t what we envision when the word pops up.  It’s not rainbows and unicorns with laser horns… (okay it’s that too.)  Many of the fantasies we create and actually believe in, ARE NOT THAT MUCH FUN OR AMAZEBALLS!  They are the fantasies we create from a place of fear. The fantasy that we are not good enough, that we are not enough in general.  That we are not lovable, let alone loved.  The fantasy that we are too old, too fat, or too broke to do what we want.  We create these elaborate fantasies around all of these fears, and we don’t look at the reality of our amazing lives!  Why do we do that?  I have no clue.  I should Google it, I’m sure someone has figured out some sort of smart explanation… but frankly I don’t really care at the moment.  What I do care about is that I’ve totally been doing that.  I've created many elaborate and frightening fantasies that have began to play a part in the choices I make. Ooops.  

So, now that I’m aware of it, I plan to monitor my fantasy world and spend less time letting fear be my factor and instead stay grounded in a place of love.  A place where my heart is my guide, not what other people are doing, or think I should be doing.  A place where I feel empowered and magical.  A place where everyone wins.  Love is the safest place to be ya see.  If you get to love, you are totally safe.  No one can touch you there. No way, no how… because love and fear don’t coexist.  That’s like having a hot ice cube… if an ice cube gets hot… laters ice, hello water.  Fear cubes are melted by love and what are you left with? Truth, peace and reality… really lovely reality… The kind you thought was only possible in your wildest fantasies.

Heat melts ice

Paper beats rock

Love conquers fear.

Today's Silver Lining

"Oh I will become what I deserve.  I been worryin', I been worryin', I will become what I deserve.  I been worryin' that my time is a little unclear.  I been worryin' that I'm losing the one's I hold dear.  I been worryin' that we all live our lives in the confines of fear." The Fear- by Ben Howard